I have had the most glorious week of self care. I have spa’ed, mani/pedi’d, haircutted, gym’ed, lunched, library’ed, and done all the things that I, myself, have wanted to do…with I, myself. It’s funny how you forget what it’s like to be with yourself, when you don’t have a whole lot of time to prioritize you. I have purposely avoided doing too much with other people. And a mere 4 days in, and I’m reinvigorated to make time for me more often.
I’m reading a self-helpy book (and it feels like I’ve been reading it forever, because it’s so thought provoking). I used to not want anything to do with self help books. But this one is so great that I’d recommend it to every single one of you if you haven’t already consumed every page — You are a Badass: How to stop doubting your greatness and start living an awesome life by Jen Sincero. While none of it is absolutely life changing information, it is so easily consumable and not to therapy-y. I think Jen is pretty darn spot on in her advice.
Anyway, there is a whole section in this book about meditation (another thing I’ve avoided like the plague for my entire life, inexplicably). It has never appealed to me — I prefer to be busy, be moving, be doing, be thinking, be talking, be listening, etc. at 100 miles per hour every day. And until I read this book, I didn’t really realize that while I talk a lot about being quiet, I never really let my mind rest. Ever! Which is crazy, since I think I would be able to know myself better if I ever opened my ears, sat still, and listened to what I have to say!
So, yesterday, I decided there was no better time than the present to give myself a few solid minutes of quiet time — just to see what happened. You guys. I lit a candle. I sat criss, cross, applesauce. I turned off all my devices. I locked myself away from my dogs. And I set a timer for 5 minutes. And I was off! I sat in silence for what felt like hours. I focused on my breath. I did all the things I had halfheartedly read about in the 101 version of meditation for beginners. And I got awkward AF. And I started wiggling. And my mind wandered. And I was sick of sitting there. When I finally opened my eyes to look at the timer, just once, to get a time check…it had been 30 seconds. HOW EMBARRASSING that I can’t even be one with myself for a full minute of time! I was absolutely horrified.
So today, I woke up with a new intention to do better. I downloaded Headspace, a guided meditation app. I set a notification for myself every day to remind me to take some time to meditate. I refreshed the basics, lit my candle, locked myself in a quiet room, sat comfortably. And I pressed start on my app. And I was able to let myself go, be silent, and listen to my body. I lasted 3 minutes, which seems like major progress. I am making a commitment to meditate 1x per day for 30 consecutive days to see if it makes a difference in my life. I think I can train myself to do better, and to know more about me.
In other news, today is Valentine’s Day, and I’ve baked (which I never do) for Super Sweet Husband (Ty). I made these kickass Kodiac Cake muffins as a protein-packed treat, so we didn’t vary from our diet too badly. I love holidays, but I don’t love (I originally wrote hate here, but I’m trying to use a new vocabulary with positive words!) when they happen when I’m trying to get myself in order. 🙂
Thanks for reading! Xo.